The only piece advice I can give to anyone on weathering the storm that is sometimes motherhood (because I really have no idea what I’m doing on a daily basis), is to surround yourself with a heavy duty support system. I’m talking a handful of girlfriends who have been where you are or who are just super intuitive to know what you need to hear (or drink!), your mother, your husband, your brothers, or whoever else in your life that you can be your truest self with. And hang on to those people, hang on for dear life.
Right now in our home we’re in the throes of major sleep transitions, monkey child is doing whatever he can to not stay in his bed, what used to be a 15 minute bedtime process is now bordering on 2.5 hours, crazy not fun. I swear I’ve pulled out/greyed so much of my hair these last couple weeks. I’ve reached out to my support web numerous times and tried the majority of their tips/tricks but what has been even more helpful is the kind words cuz you know exactly what I’m talking about when I say the nighttime guilt fog is thick. Just being reminded to be kind to yourself has allowed me to take a few deep breaths and soldier on.
Motherhood is tough (I can’t believe my mom did it three times), it’s an emotional and physical roller coaster. It is so rewarding and so depleting all at the same time. It hovers around hell and then shoots straight up to heaven. It’s hard…and you can’t possibly do it alone. Thank God I have the husband I do. I’m not sure how he stays so patient with my outbursts when I’ve been driven to the end of my rope, when all forms of reasoning are so far gone. One thing I know for sure is that it’s true what “they” say, the days can be long but the years are short. I know this. I remind myself of this. BUT when you’re knee-deep in weeks of long days, it’s really hard to remember this or believe it. This is when you call on that support system. Trust me, they’ll be your saving grace, the rainbow in the storm. And listen to them when they say “we’ll take E for the night, one bad night for us is nothing, I can nap all day tomorrow”, “you need to get out of the house, come for coffee, the boys can play”, “go hug your husband, you need him right now”, “trust your self, you know what E needs, you’re a good mom”.
And don’t do it alone…this one I struggle with. I don’t want to be a failure, I don’t want to burden anyone, I don’t want to fall apart in front of anyone and I feel that this is my “job”. I’m trying to remember that it’s ok to ask for help…Nobody can get through this life alone, Sometimes the greatest form of love is letting someone care for you…Let them. If I can pass on one key piece of advice (regardless of whether I listen to it myself 100% of the time) for any point in your life, not just mom-ing, it is this! I hang this “mantra” on my fridge to try and remind myself but lord help me, it’s very clear where E gets his stubbornness from!!! I am a work in progress.
And when all else fails, open up that bottle of wine. I swear coffee and wine are kept in business solely by parents! Keep your friends close, the wine chilled and your chin up. (And how anxious are we all for green grass again, I know warmer weather will help anchor some positivity too!)