Mom-ing

Darkness before the Dawn…

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It is in my humble opinion that loss of any kind is a wound that time does not actually heal.  In fact I think that is a rather harsh and insensitive approach to grief.  One that I myself have been naive to believe.  Until now.  Experience is education and within the two we become smarter and wiser.  I’ve learned through losing my sister in law that loss is not something we get over, nor should we.  With time we do not hurt less, nor do we love less.  We simply learn to live with the pain.  We accept it into our daily lives in a way.  And it does not come gently and without force.  If you experience loss (which we all eventually must) then you know exactly that.

Here we are at the beginning of a new year.  And even more than that, a new decade.  2020! (How is that even possible?). So, in a sense, time is relentless.  It seems to be even faster paced than ever before…I can’t be the only one that feels like this.  Loss has a funny way of amplifying things.  Making one feel like more needs to be done.  A feeling of mortality looming.  At the end of every year I have a sense of reflection…like ‘have I done enough?’, ‘did I fill my days to the fullest?’, but this year I’ve had even more reflection involving the QUALITY of time…’have I done enough GOOD?’, ‘have my days left my HEART the fullest?’.  It has left me saying “yes” as much as possible which in turn has left me in a burn out.  In a way being my busiest self has allowed me to avoid some of the things that I’m struggling with.  I need to find that happy medium and I’m working harder at figuring out what it is that brings me true happiness and spend less time worrying about the things that are out of my hands.

So if like me you are feeling a similar angst I’ve created a bit of a ‘game plan’ to get myself back on track both mentally and physically as well as emotionally/spiritually.

  • Get rid of the clutter: This includes the distractions in your life that help you to avoid.  The physical clutter as well as the mental.  Clean out the closets, organize that junk drawer, clear some space in your calendar so you have time to not be “on”.
  • Get moving: Outside is best.  But whatever works to get your body in motion for 20-30 mins everyday. Sweat it out.
  • Turn off the Tech: Get offline more.  Limit social media time.  Instead of tv opt for a good book.
  • Journal: Get a prompted writing agenda if this is new.  I chose “A Mindful Year” but there are tons out there.
  • Get Creative: Do something that inspires you.  My goal is to get back to watercolour painting.
  • Eat Well: Get at those greens.  Cook together with family and try new recipes.  For me this also means less ‘lazy meals’ and more whole foods.   Less alcohol is also on my list.  Moderation is key.
  • Stay Open: Keep your tribe close.  Make sure that communication is at the heart of your relationships and be honest on the crappy days as well as the great ones.  And listen to your body and mind.  If you need to slow down and chill DO THAT.

I’m hoping that writing my ‘game plan’ down and realizing where my goals truly lie will help me to be successful.  Baby steps with momentum.  One day at a time is no joke.  Sincerely, one day at a time.  I think above all else, be gentle on yourself.

“Rhea: Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love!”

In honour of “Bell’s Lets Talk” Initiative here in Canada I think it’s so important to talk about your mental health and create a community in which to grow and heal.  I’d love to hear from you too; what are some tips and tricks that help keep you grounded and living your best life?  What are some of your struggles?

Blog, Mom-ing

Lost & Found

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I’m back! After a very long spring and summer hiatus I finally have some reformity and transformity in my life.

I’ve been rather transparent with my mental health journey in the past and I work hard to maintain as much of a balance in my life as I can but I truly needed to practice what I preach and take a good long hard look in the mirror these past months.  Dealing with depression and anxiety is no joke, it’s crippling at times…and it’s a constant work in progress.

I’ve struggled with the decision to go back on my meds or not and after a lot of research and soul searching I’ve decided to try different avenues for now. I fear the side effects of antidepressants more than anything at this point.  What I’ve done instead is perhaps a bit hippy-dippy…I’ve stocked my home with essential oils to diffuse and roll-on, I’ve amped my gut health vitamins and nutrients as well as be more consistent with my multi-vitamins. (Did you know there’s a direct relationship between your gut and your mental health? My regime now includes probiotics AND prebiotics.). I’ve also started to take time 3-5 times a week to study some personal growth “textbooks” (which right now include a lot of Brene Brown “The Gifts of Imperfection” and Sarah Knight “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck).   I’m slowly learning what it means to trust myself and stand up for myself.  I’m a perfectionist in the most ugly ways of that word.  I am learning to be kinder to myself.  Asking for help is THE HARDEST thing for me.  It smells and tastes like failure and I really need to change my perspective on that (once again, practice what I preach!). I have a lot to learn and a long way to go but I needed to take that time to focus on my health.

I’m all about the simple things, the little pleasures and the morsels of happy-inducing that flutter through our lives daily. I had gotten to a place of so much pain, bleakness, guilt, worry, regret and just plain old despair that I couldn’t shake the dark cloud that had made its home over me.   I needed to refocus and get back to a healthier head space. I needed to do this for me and my family. So that in turn led to way less blogging and photographing for the blog (which can I just say has gotten a lot harder with my impatient helper!! Lol!)…BUT I’m back! I’m still working on me but I’m breathing a little bit easier everyday! So the lost has been found.

I encourage you to take the time you need for your own heart and health too!  It’s a day-to-day process and it takes compassion and persistence.  It ultimately starts with you but there are many ways to get help…don’t go it alone.